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i'm not an adult

but i pretend to be one in real life.

sarah and i went to get preapproved for this today. and while we were at cefcu, we went ahead and combined our accounts so we have joint checking/savings/miscellaneous banking stuff together.

i walked out of the credit union with a whole new perspective.

first off...
we can't afford that house.

after we escrowed in all the taxes and home insurance and all the other home-buying crap, that house was going to cost us over a thousand dollars a month.

is a third of your income supposed to go to housing? really???

we went to cyd's afterwards to talk to them about our desserts for the reception. BEST DESSERT I'VE EVER HAD. so good it made me nauseous. ya know how they say, "don't go to the grocery store hungry?" well, the saying should extend its warning to say "or dessert lady's."

i was presented with a plate full of so many confections that i didn't even have time to think to take a picture of it... i just inhaled it. then i realized that pastries on an empty stomach is worse than an empty stomach.

all the while still a little disappointed that sarah and i can't afford our dream home at age 24. (which might have had something to do with my upset stomach).

as i grow up, i have to learn not to get the best of the best right away. sometimes it's better not to splurge on the best quality item. it pays to save. and that's what we have to do. instead of looking at houses at the top of our range, we need to be looking at houses at the bottom of our range. why do we need to start at the top?

oh that's right... we're american. we're used to getting what we want when we want it.

i'm becoming intensely aware of the fact that i can leave a dessert lady's business, drive miles away in 40 degree weather to a schlotzkie's, and order any sort of soup, sandwich, or pizza that i want.

i was in church this weekend and i realized that i cannot go the rest of my life w/o knowing how the rest of the world lives. for all my struggles, i still don't have to worry about where to get water from in the morning. i turn a lever and it comes pouring out. RIGHT IN MY OWN HOME!

it's easy for me to believe in God. i need to go somewhere where people doubt God, and rightfully so. a friend who is getting back from africa on the 18th showed me a book someone gave her a few days before she left this past week.

there was one page of an old woman whose face was not quite as pretty as my baseball glove. the text next to her full page picture had a line that's stuck with me. it was a list of our choices on a day-to-day basis. that list was full of crap like, "cappucino or frappucino? high octane or low octane? button up or polo? sedan or SUV? spring or mineral?" the list for this old lady went something like, "blue dress or blue dress? muddy water or muddy water? walk or run? candles or darkness?" the one line that i mentioned that stuck with me...
"sleep with the fisherman to earn money, or let my grandchildren starve?"

how can that woman even believe in in a god at all when she hasn't experienced anything that would show her God's love????

if that woman told me she didn't believe in God, i wouldn't blame her.

and i don't think i can go the rest of my life worrying about which fast food to eat when this woman worries about which meals are even available.

could i really live a life that where it's easy for me to live? do i understand what life is and what salvation is when i have everything handed to me???

suddenly... i don't think i need a dream home.

For what it's worth..I don't think it is a scatterbrained post.

It makes me miss Africa more.

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